Will you blow on my dice?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Randomize
