none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
