From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just blew my weed a kiss
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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