Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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