I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
