I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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