Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
