meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
