I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
