When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
