New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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