Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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