If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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