I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
