We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
