i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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