Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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