mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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