How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
