Whoa Z and x make the same sound
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
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he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
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Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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