I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
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