How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
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If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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