he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I love you.
Bad choice
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