what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
