Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Randomize
