I puked a lego.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Im just a social blackout drinker.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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