I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM VODKA MAN
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize