Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
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The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
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The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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