Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
