I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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