i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
