it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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