Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
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