last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
