you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
