the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
