Your tits are I can't wait for
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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