he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
