drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
