No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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