and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
