he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
