I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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