He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
