overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
My penis needs a shock collar
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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