we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
