Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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