Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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