I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
