I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
