Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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