A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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