yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
