heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
