oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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