I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
