Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
