my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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