you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize