we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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