What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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