y did u give ur computer a hand job?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
