so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
