When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
